GROWTH MINDSET

In her research, Dweck also documents that when individuals fail at something, they tell themselves that they aren’t capable of ever accomplishing that task or they will make excuses to rationalize their behaviour. Alternatively those with a growth mindset view their failures as an opportunity to develop their skills and abilities. They have a desire to learn and a tendency to:

• embrace challenges
• persist in the face of obstacles
• see effort as a path to mastery
• learn from criticism 
• find lessons and inspiration in the success of others

The growth mindset builds a resilient attitude in individuals.

BECOMING RESILIENT

Resilience is the ability to cope with stress and to ‘bounce back’ from adversity in a positive, self-regulating manner. Harvard Health cites, ‘resilience is associated with longevity, lower rates of depression, and greater satisfaction with life. “There’s a sense of control, and it helps people feel more positive in general.’ *

According to research by Susan Kobasa, a psychologist – she found that resiliency has three elements associated with it:

1. Challenge – failures and setbacks are viewed as learning opportunities for growth.
2. Commitment – goal-orientated and having a positive future vision of self.
3. Personal control – confident and focused on controllable situations and events rather worrying about things beyond one’s control. *

UNDERSTANDING GRIT

Much like resilience, grit is a trait that develops through experience. Angela Lee Duckworth, psychologist and professor at the University of Pennsylvania led a study on grit and has found grit to be a common factor among the high-achievers she has studied. She defines grit as, “the tendency to sustain interest in and effort toward very long-term goals” (Duckworth et al., 2007).

Grit is sustained, consistent long-term effort towards a goal even when one struggles, falters or fails. Furthermore, grit involves passion and perseverance. The five characteristics of grit are:

1. Courage to face adversity, fears and challenges. 
2. Conscientiousness: achievement oriented vs. dependable, looking at the big picture and being ready for challenges.
3. Long-term goals and endurance: follow through, to persevere, practice with a purpose. 
4. Resilience: optimism, confidence, and creativity. Bouncing back from setbacks and staying positive.
5. Excellence vs. Perfection. Following your passions and focused on growth through learning.

Grit provides understanding of why some people succeed while others fail. In short, it’s because those that succeed view mistakes as temporary opportunities to learn and grow, and they have a passion and focused persistence. 

OVERCOMING YOUR FAILURES AND SETBACKS

Resilience, grit and growth mindset are interconnected are developed over time.

It’s a lot like developing your muscles, you need to identify your goals and commit to your action plan while ‘exercising’ self-discipline, persistence and patience. In the process, you will begin to raise your self-awareness which will lead you towards identifying your strengths, weaknesses and potential challenges that you may encounter.

By cultivating a growth mindset, you better understand that your abilities and behaviours are not fixed, and you can start to transform your lifestyle. This type of mindset requires you to understand that taking certain risks will lead you to failure – knowing how to rebound from setbacks while applying your resilience and grit is what will drive you ahead in achieving your short and long-term goals. 

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A book review in a 2016 publication of Comparative Psychology for Clinical Psychologists and Therapists reveals that it’s the quality of your connections that contributes towards your happiness than having a multitude of friendships/relationships. Social connection is necessary for experiencing a more a happier life, but your relationships don’t have to be based on friendship as long as a meaningful connection has been established. 

THRIVING RELATIONSHIPS
In a 2015 paper published in, Current Opinion in Psychology, researchers, Brooke Feeney and Nancy Collins created a model that identifies thriving relationships having two contexts associated to them* :

1. Adversity support – buffering individuals from the negative effects of stress and assisting in the reconstruction process (motivating and problem solving).
2. Relational support – promoting full participation in life opportunities for exploration, growth, and personal achievement.

DEVELOPING CONNECTIONS

Feelings of connection increase motivation, improve your mood and make you feel happy. It’s important to have positive connections with: your colleagues, close family members and friends and people in your community. It can help boost your productivity and growth throughout your life.

When you can successfully apply your values and boundaries towards your relationships, there’s a meaningful connection. Knowing about Aristotle’s 3 types of friendships can be of benefit to you because you can better distinguish between the types of relationships you have with people by identifying which ones are the most meaningful:

• Utility -based on mutual usefulness. This is the most common type of relationship mainly due to the benefits each person has to offer to each other. For example, be-friending a colleague so you both can carpool to work together.
• Pleasure – friendships that are based on enjoyment of a shared activity. This can be the person who is your spotting buddy at the gym, but you may never invite to your house for dinner.
• Friendship of virtue – people that you share same sets of values with; people that motivate you to become a better person; people that care about you and you care about them. These types of relationships are rare. Today, science points out that you only need 3-4 close friends to experience great life satisfaction, (Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D).

Friends based on utility and pleasure are usually in higher numbers; however, they aren’t long-lasting. As you grow, your interests are always changing. It may take time to develop virtuous friendships because these types of relationships are the most aligned with your core values and beliefs. Aristotle believed that before this type of friendship could flourish, you must take the time to understand and honour yourself and know your values.

HOW YOUR BODY RESPONDS TO POSITIVE CONNECTIONS

When you’re in the company of happy, supportive and caring people your body will let you know. Here are some ways that your body responds to happy moments in the company of others:

• Emotional – mirrored neurons reflect back the same happy emotions and expressions that are shared with you. In other words a good mood can have a positive influence on others and also increase motivation.

• Physical – relaxes your muscles keeping you in a calm state. Also, your breathing remains controlled and your cardiovascular response is quieted.

• Physiological – feelings of pleasure and joy boost your happy hormones: dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins and reduce cortisol levels.

• Cognitive – two regions fill up with activity and release dopamine: (1) caudate nucleus (reward detection and integration of of sensory experiences and the integration  of sensory experiences into social behaviour). (2) ventral tegmental area (associated with pleasure, focused attention and the motivation to pursue and acquire rewards), Richard Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds, Harvard Medical School.

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